The Surprise
I had come from school and no
one was home, my mom and dad were at work and my older sister was going to work
straight from school.
I
had a lot of homework so I quickly had a granola bar and I took my bag to the
study room.
I saw a brown box,
“Yes, my package is here!” I said
in an anxious voice.
I tore it open. I got worried,
nothing was in the box. Just as I
took off the last layer of bubble wrap and I was surprised to see more than
what I ordered.
I had just ordered for a beautiful camera but this box
had 3 phones, a pair of headphones, a gaming console and a wireless
speaker.
It was really hard to believe. I was very
happy.
Nice story but in your very first sentence, you need a period in between home and my. Also in the sentence " I had a a lot homework so I quickly..." you need a period between homework and so. Lastly you don't need an I for the sentence "I had a lot of homework so I quickly had a granola bar and I took my bag to the study room" so it should say "I had a lot of homework so I quickly had a gornola bar and took my bag to the study room" Other than that great story
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